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August 11, 2004



Tell the guy that you don't like being touched, and that you would appreciate it if he didn't do things like that in the future (nicely, of course!). Try to make sure someone else hears you tell him that. I'm really sensitive to being touched, and can sympathize. He may just be really touchy-feely and not realize others don't like it. And by making sure there's a witness to your request, you can take it to HR if you need to!


I agree with Sarah. The guy may be a perve, but he may just be clueless. By letting him know politely, and with a witness, you may just cover both potential cases. Of course, I know it's easier to give this advice than to follow it. I've worked for many offices which contained a "toucher" - many were perves (and one was female!).


Vent away. We can take it. :)


I feel exactly the same with the touchy thing. I hate when people feel like they have to pat me on the shoulders or my back. My CAD teacher from the past year would pat me on the back. I couldn't stand it..thinking back I really should've complained.


You should mention to HR or someone higher up your "chain of command" that there is "inappropriate touching" going on. If you question that phrase then count how many times these very same people have given shoulder massages to their male employees.

Usually a memo issued from HR will remind folks not to engage in potentially harassing behavior.
Alternatively, do you have a senior female worker you can talk to?


Something similar happened to me once and I spoke with my mentor about it, who advised me to tell the person it was not appropriate and even if he didn't mean it in a threatening way, other people who might witness it might feel otherwise. I spoke with the "guilty party" and it stopped there. I would also suggest that you send an email to yourself describing what happened, then print it out and tuck it in a file so you have a dated paper trail. Good for future recourse if you ever need it.

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