don't touch me!

no knitting content. deal with it!

i'm really pretty easy going. at my old office, the dirty jokes, the swearing, it was all good fun. in this larger office, less of that, but let's just say there are no classes or rules in place to deal with stuff like that. (i should note that i work in a field where there are more men than women - at my old office, it was myself, the secretary, and 12 married guys!) its usually not a problem.

today, a guy i can't stand (who is a project manager for one of my projects) rubbed my shoulder as he walked by. and i'm still pissed off about it. at my previous job, there was one guy (who would be at the top of the list if there ever were a lawsuit, by any female) who would walk up and give me shoulder massages. (but not good ones - they hurt!) i never really said anything. but i really really hate it when people touch me at work!!!

i came to a conclusion in recent years that my family, and myself, are not really touchy-feeley. we hug, kiss goodbye, but i'm much more restrained than many people i know. through several groups (sorority, yoga/reiki, etc) i have learned to enjoy hugging new friends and old, and make a little more physical contact. because it's really nice and it feels good.

but not at work. i try to be "one of the guys" - would he rub the shoulder of one of the guys in the group? no! it's the one thing that's non-PC that really pisses me off because he is invading my personal space. argh. i'm still really skeeved out by that.

all right- i just had to get that out there!

make sure you read rachel today.

i'm beginning to get desparate about the weddings (and my weight and the bridesmaid dresses.) of course i haven't done much about it. micromovements - signed up at Y, bought sneakers, made fitness evaluation appt for friday (yeah. i know my fitness evaluation. i'm technically obese and i can't walk up a flight of stairs without breathing hard.) but i haven't worked out there yet. if i could only get up at 6 am for yoga. i'm lucky if i make it to work by 9 (supposed to be here at 8!) sigh.

sorry that i always use this place to vent. no - i'm not sorry. that's what it's here for. i just don't want to only post when i'm mad or blue! i must need more knitting time, that would make everything right. ;o)

Comments

[Sarah]

Tell the guy that you don't like being touched, and that you would appreciate it if he didn't do things like that in the future (nicely, of course!). Try to make sure someone else hears you tell him that. I'm really sensitive to being touched, and can sympathize. He may just be really touchy-feely and not realize others don't like it. And by making sure there's a witness to your request, you can take it to HR if you need to!

[Nancy]

I agree with Sarah. The guy may be a perve, but he may just be clueless. By letting him know politely, and with a witness, you may just cover both potential cases. Of course, I know it's easier to give this advice than to follow it. I've worked for many offices which contained a "toucher" - many were perves (and one was female!).

[Sharon]

Vent away. We can take it. :)

[Tina]

I feel exactly the same with the touchy thing. I hate when people feel like they have to pat me on the shoulders or my back. My CAD teacher from the past year would pat me on the back. I couldn't stand it..thinking back I really should've complained.

[Susie]

You should mention to HR or someone higher up your "chain of command" that there is "inappropriate touching" going on. If you question that phrase then count how many times these very same people have given shoulder massages to their male employees.

Usually a memo issued from HR will remind folks not to engage in potentially harassing behavior.
Alternatively, do you have a senior female worker you can talk to?

[ellen]

Something similar happened to me once and I spoke with my mentor about it, who advised me to tell the person it was not appropriate and even if he didn't mean it in a threatening way, other people who might witness it might feel otherwise. I spoke with the "guilty party" and it stopped there. I would also suggest that you send an email to yourself describing what happened, then print it out and tuck it in a file so you have a dated paper trail. Good for future recourse if you ever need it.